Back before I had kids, I did everything that I wanted. Okay, so there were some places I wanted to travel to that I never did, and maybe some big projects that I couldn't find time for, but pretty much, I did
everything. I slept as much as I needed to. I stayed at work as late as I wanted. I went to the gym whenever I wanted to, and stayed there as long as I felt like. I made dinner whenever I got to it (or not), and sat enjoying my meal for as long as I cared to. My house was SO clean! I showered daily, washing my hair AND shaving each time. I stayed up late drinking, talking and playing games with friends. I talked to my husband as much as I wanted, without interruption. I had hobbies! I watched television! I went shopping! Okay, so maybe life wasn't quite as perfect and carefree as I'm remembering it, but it was pretty darn close.
Of course I knew that once I had children I'd have to make some sacrifices. Duh. I knew I wouldn't get to do
everything I wanted
all the time. And I was okay with that. I was prepared to make some sacrifices. After we had kids, I pushed aside my scrapbooking materials. I drank extra coffee to make up for the lack of sleep. I went to the gym less frequently. Sacrifices. I got it. I was
totally cool with that.
Then, I had four kids. Not only can I no longer do everything, but now I don't have time to do anything. At all. I'm not kidding. The entirety of my day is spent meeting the needs of others. Brushing teeth, feeding, wiping, changing, dressing, shuttling, reading, playing, more feeding, more wiping, and on and on and on. And some days, I'm barely able to do those things.
There is simply no time for even the basics, let alone anything remotely luxurious. Jeff and I have gone on exactly one date since Rose was born. And she came with us! Our house is actually frightening in its untidiness. I get queasy at the thought of even entering certain rooms. Every day I have to make choices that no one should be forced to make. Eat or shower? Get dressed or brush my teeth? Do laundry or dishes? Pick up toys in this room or toys in that room? Sleep or have an uninterrupted conversation with my husband?
In fact, I do
not have time to write this blog post right now. Sam and Amelia are upstairs playing - hair and teeth unbrushed, jammies still on. Amelia has to be at school in half an hour and they haven't eaten lunch yet. Sam's not wearing a diaper. He's probably pooping on the floor. But I digress...
What I mean to say, is that even the smallest tasks are just SO HARD. First, there's the things we have to do
to the kids. I'm talking about things like dressing, bathing, putting on footwear, applying sunscreen, and the most hated of all - brushing teeth. They like to keep us on our toes by putting up varying levels of resistance from day to day. We never know who is going to be the cooperative one at any given moment. It's usually Rose, though, since she can't run away yet. They even like to put up a fight about things involving their basic needs, like sleeping, eating, and using the bathroom. Seriously?!? Stop dancing and just pee already!
Sometimes I just think to myself, "Fine! Go off and play in your underwear with your messy face and your tangly hair. I'm going to do something that doesn't involve the care of children. I'm going to accomplish something!" This morning, for example, I was determined to tighten Sam's door knob that had been loose for weeks. I went to the garage and came back with a screw driver. After exactly one twist Sam was by my side wanting to "help." Then Amelia wanted a turn. Because I'm a sucker for "helpers," plus I know one day I'll actually want their help, I let them. Then, they wanted to use the screw driver to "fix" other things around the house. Then, Rose woke up and wanted to be changed and fed. And now I'm not really sure where the screw driver is. And the doorknob is still loose.
